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Manderz Musings: Hump Day

Manderz Musings


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hump Day

It's Wednesday.  And it's almost over.  Which I'm happy about.  It means that this weekend is that much closer, meaning school is that much closer to being complete, Jason is that much closer to coming home, and I'm that much closer to moving to Fort McMurray.  All great news!

I got together with Elissa today to work on a project.  It's due Monday, and there's A LOT of work left to be done.  Jacqulyn was supposed to meet up with us, but she had a bunch of excuses (was she telling the truth? perhaps, but I'm not feeling too kindly towards her right now).  So I have lots to keep me busy over the next week.  I just need to get motivated, and do it.

I attempted to start working on another assignment tonight.  Only to become completely frustrated because I couldn't do anything.  I managed to figure out how to make a header using Photoshop.  But I can't colour a house using it.  Argh.  It's hard to get motivated when I get frustrated before even making any progress.  There's a reason why I'm getting reading done, but that's about it at this point.

This laptop is going to be a blessing to get rid of.  I'll be typing away, and it will randomly jump up a line and continue typing from there.  Or the screen will go into a hibernate mode, but you can't get out of it without rebooting.  Plus I can't upload any pictures from my camera to it.  And the bilingual keyboard means I'm constantly hitting "\" since they moved that key from above the "Enter" key to between the " ' " key and the "Enter" key.  Plus they added the same key between the "Shift" key and the "z" key.  Stupid people, my typing has become horrible since I'm constantly making mistakes with it.  At least it makes me appreciate the normal wireless keyboard I have at home.

I can feel another breakdown coming on.  Last night I cried for half an hour for no reason before going to bed.  No reason whatsoever.  I turned on my music, went to go get ready for bed, and instead sat down on the floor and cried.  I seriously hate how I've turned into such a crybaby lately.  That's just not who I am (and definitely not someone I aspire to be).  It seems that it's become my release since I've become too uninspired and too busy to hit the gym or go to yoga.  They're just both so inconvenient, which makes them even harder.

School has pretty much reached the impossible to catch up point.  Which is frustrating, because there still is that part of me that wants to do well.  But the clock is ticking, and I've wasted too much time.  And then I never know whether to try to catch up on stuff that I missed (and stay behind), or just jump up to what I should be working on (and not truly understand since I missed learning a lot).

There just seems to be way too much to do.  I haven't started packing yet, there's multiple final assignments to be done, lots of notes to catch up on, I need to go do some more Christmas shopping (a slight change in gift-giving plans means try to fit in another shopping trip when I don't really have time for it, or brave the crowds closer to Christmas, which I've been trying to avoid), plus there's a lot of time that I still need to put into making my Mom's presents (birthday and Christmas).  My room is becoming a mess again, and the little things (like the mess of electrical cords under my computer desk) are starting to drive me insane.

I've definitely realized that me and stress do not get along at all.  I am not one of those people that deals well under pressure.  And while deadlines sometimes keep me motivated, more often than not, they do the exact opposite, plus stress me out.  It just seems that I keep getting myself into lose-lose situations.

Trying to stay positive is proving to be a lot more elusive these days.  The job hunt in Fort McMurray seems to be becoming stagnant.  And this is made even more apparent by job opportunities (and even some job offers!) anywhere but there.  And opportunities that I'm interested in - not just ones I'm applying for because it's a job that I'm semi-qualified for.

I feel I should apologize for this downer post.  I've been trying really hard to keep focused on the positive in my blog.  To not draw more power to the negativity.  But keeping it in is just making it worse.  So hopefully this will be the vent that I need, and I can get back to focusing on the positive.


At December 4, 2008 at 8:19 AM , Blogger Mrs. Alston said...

Sometimes you just gotta let it out!!! and I think a good cry once in a while is healthy!! good luck with the assignments! You can do it!!


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